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Monday, April 16, 2012
SATURDAY NIGHT
Scenario:
My cousin Jerry picked up my papa, mama (half paralyzed) and little sis Jenny and brought them to Moncayo for my grandma’s death anniversary. I was left alone because I was so sick that I even never report to the office. I’m just having my rest.
(Night came…all alone in the house)
Lights are all off… Zzz… Zzz.. Zzz..
I lied on my right side…hugging my pink pillow… Amidst my sound sleep, I felt like someone is hugging me from my behind oh so so so tight that I can’t breathe… I want to scream but I can’t! He seemed so strong that I can’t move. It felt like his head’s behind mine and when I tried to reach him and tried to take him away -I hold nothing…. Suddenly I felt like some one is sucking my right nips… Oh my! It felt so real… If it’s only on my mind or just part of hormonal changes then how come that it’s only on the right? Nope! LOL It’s not that I want it both but I was just thinking… I tried all my force… I was so scared and thought I can’t get out...then I remember God… I asked for His help…hoping that this time maybe He’ll help me. Then it disappeared…by then I can hear the TIKTAK of my clock… I switched the lights ON… It’s past 12 midnight… I felt so sleepy but I’m afraid to go back to sleep so I did everything –jog, write, scan pages, etc…. ‘til it reaches dawn.
I’m so scared… I think I want to believe on what my Ex border in the next door said –that like two guys were using her when her husband is not around. But, she can’t see and all she had was to cry and cry. I don’t want to believe but it happened to me…
Today is April 17, 2012. Two nights passed by and glad that the bad guy never came back. Shah was right… Maybe it’s just part of my being so tired.
I think last night is better compared to yester NIGHT too that I dreamed like having a gun shot on my head (by my self) but I’m quite pretty sure that it’s a pure dream...not like what I had that Saturday night – it’s the worst night mare I guess…. Why guess??! ‘cause I’m not sure if it’s a night mare… It feels so REAL!!!! =’((
Thanks to my cousin Jomel and his wife Lyn2x for coming at nights just to stay with me at home ‘coz I’m still so scared. Mama, papa and my sis were still not around. The last two nights, I never lied on my right side too, I sleep on my left side for the best blood flow…and prayed… =} still I keep my self awake at 12 midnight and get back to sleep at dawn…and NEVER switched the lights OFF. =<
My cousin Jerry picked up my papa, mama (half paralyzed) and little sis Jenny and brought them to Moncayo for my grandma’s death anniversary. I was left alone because I was so sick that I even never report to the office. I’m just having my rest.
(Night came…all alone in the house)
Lights are all off… Zzz… Zzz.. Zzz..
I lied on my right side…hugging my pink pillow… Amidst my sound sleep, I felt like someone is hugging me from my behind oh so so so tight that I can’t breathe… I want to scream but I can’t! He seemed so strong that I can’t move. It felt like his head’s behind mine and when I tried to reach him and tried to take him away -I hold nothing…. Suddenly I felt like some one is sucking my right nips… Oh my! It felt so real… If it’s only on my mind or just part of hormonal changes then how come that it’s only on the right? Nope! LOL It’s not that I want it both but I was just thinking… I tried all my force… I was so scared and thought I can’t get out...then I remember God… I asked for His help…hoping that this time maybe He’ll help me. Then it disappeared…by then I can hear the TIKTAK of my clock… I switched the lights ON… It’s past 12 midnight… I felt so sleepy but I’m afraid to go back to sleep so I did everything –jog, write, scan pages, etc…. ‘til it reaches dawn.
I’m so scared… I think I want to believe on what my Ex border in the next door said –that like two guys were using her when her husband is not around. But, she can’t see and all she had was to cry and cry. I don’t want to believe but it happened to me…
Today is April 17, 2012. Two nights passed by and glad that the bad guy never came back. Shah was right… Maybe it’s just part of my being so tired.
I think last night is better compared to yester NIGHT too that I dreamed like having a gun shot on my head (by my self) but I’m quite pretty sure that it’s a pure dream...not like what I had that Saturday night – it’s the worst night mare I guess…. Why guess??! ‘cause I’m not sure if it’s a night mare… It feels so REAL!!!! =’((
Thanks to my cousin Jomel and his wife Lyn2x for coming at nights just to stay with me at home ‘coz I’m still so scared. Mama, papa and my sis were still not around. The last two nights, I never lied on my right side too, I sleep on my left side for the best blood flow…and prayed… =} still I keep my self awake at 12 midnight and get back to sleep at dawn…and NEVER switched the lights OFF. =<
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
‘til where, ‘til when
And how to handle this flaming pain
I dig inside, it’s too much dry
Drought, but tears are still alive.
Soul keeps on searchin’, keeps on wanderin’
On a dreadful cave, sobbing like a slave
You left the feelings that once survive
Mis......? Or, you just hide…
Now you say it’s no longer me
Thorns of memories changed me completely
No time to blame, don’t be ashamed
You draw the sword, then play the game!
On the crystal crib in where I lie
‘cant hear my yell concealed by lyre
With the music of duel I danced lovingly
But luckily I awoke from duplicity.
How I wish to be cured before the dusk
I’m tired to dream w/ tears at task
I’m drowned and locked by fantasy
“I’m not yet ready...” the key answered me.
And how to handle this flaming pain
I dig inside, it’s too much dry
Drought, but tears are still alive.
Soul keeps on searchin’, keeps on wanderin’
On a dreadful cave, sobbing like a slave
You left the feelings that once survive
Mis......? Or, you just hide…
Now you say it’s no longer me
Thorns of memories changed me completely
No time to blame, don’t be ashamed
You draw the sword, then play the game!
On the crystal crib in where I lie
‘cant hear my yell concealed by lyre
With the music of duel I danced lovingly
But luckily I awoke from duplicity.
How I wish to be cured before the dusk
I’m tired to dream w/ tears at task
I’m drowned and locked by fantasy
“I’m not yet ready...” the key answered me.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Do you believe in GOD???
Well, to tell you honestly, I had this On and Off belief in his existence since I was 6 y.o. But sai Loreen kept on reminding me about the things that He made for us...esp. the air that we breathe...
But, sad to say that my diminishing faith on Him finally collapsed Aug. 29 last year...brought out the worst in me.
What should I say? Unending pain followed. In addition to that there were still crazy people who keep on bugging me plus my mama suffered from stroke this year (paralyzed) and so instead of flying away or killing my self, I preferred to stay.
Since February, a group of Christians had there prayer meeting at home every Saturday. They said that it will help for mama’s recovery. I really don’t wanna hear something about Him and so I do the laundry as an excuse for 2 hours. Mama and my diabetic papa do the prayer meeting with them.
Lately, a pastor came. It’s really against my will to face him but as part of Filipino culture I have no other choice but to face him also knowing fact that he is our relative and should I say visits only 1s in a blue moon.
He asked me to bring out a pen and a notebook and here’s what I got…
Romans 19:13-As it is written, “Jacob I have loved, but Esau I have hated.
15-For he says to Moses, “I will have mercy on whom ever I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whomever I will have compassion.
16-So then it is not of him who wills, nor of him who runs, but of God who shows mercy.
So I should say that lie is the saying that all of us are saved and that all of us are loved for it’s only God’s will that will supreme. He’s the almighty creature. He owned everything and none of us has the right neither to get mad nor to complain, for everything in us was just borrowed.
Now, I never doubt about His existence. Everything is clear, no matter how much I tried, if He really won’t love me –He won’t. I was seemed like a toy for Him, a payer for my ancestor’s debt. And maybe my ex was right, my papa owed a lot and now I am the payment. As it is stated in the bible the saying like the son/ daughter will gonna pay the debt of his/her father (I forgot the verse). I was born not to be loved. I was born to be one of Esau…
But, sad to say that my diminishing faith on Him finally collapsed Aug. 29 last year...brought out the worst in me.
What should I say? Unending pain followed. In addition to that there were still crazy people who keep on bugging me plus my mama suffered from stroke this year (paralyzed) and so instead of flying away or killing my self, I preferred to stay.
Since February, a group of Christians had there prayer meeting at home every Saturday. They said that it will help for mama’s recovery. I really don’t wanna hear something about Him and so I do the laundry as an excuse for 2 hours. Mama and my diabetic papa do the prayer meeting with them.
Lately, a pastor came. It’s really against my will to face him but as part of Filipino culture I have no other choice but to face him also knowing fact that he is our relative and should I say visits only 1s in a blue moon.
He asked me to bring out a pen and a notebook and here’s what I got…
Romans 19:13-As it is written, “Jacob I have loved, but Esau I have hated.
15-For he says to Moses, “I will have mercy on whom ever I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whomever I will have compassion.
16-So then it is not of him who wills, nor of him who runs, but of God who shows mercy.
So I should say that lie is the saying that all of us are saved and that all of us are loved for it’s only God’s will that will supreme. He’s the almighty creature. He owned everything and none of us has the right neither to get mad nor to complain, for everything in us was just borrowed.
Now, I never doubt about His existence. Everything is clear, no matter how much I tried, if He really won’t love me –He won’t. I was seemed like a toy for Him, a payer for my ancestor’s debt. And maybe my ex was right, my papa owed a lot and now I am the payment. As it is stated in the bible the saying like the son/ daughter will gonna pay the debt of his/her father (I forgot the verse). I was born not to be loved. I was born to be one of Esau…
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Hmmm...white sand marine or what? mmm.... Yes?!
Yesterday, upon my arrival from Ulas, Davao City (my sai’s place) Manang Jo suggested to go to the beach for a favorable weather to unwind….
Then starts my story….
We call it white sand beach, but it still not fully developed. On the part near the shore were full of those sharp sea rocks..(ohh am I using the right term in here? What ever eheee) so you need to go further before reaching that tempting ‘white sand’ marine… It’s the first time that I saw that floating cottage in there, costs P1500 per day… But eight year-old Ela (my second degree niece) and I have no money for a boat or somethin’…
I put Ela on my back and went to the area near that cottage… ‘mind you, we really went that far… toinx
Sea water reaches my neck and then waited ‘til it goes back lower to my bust as a sign… Then it goes, and, by then, I take off my slippers and feel the ground…. Whehey!!! We finally reach that ‘temping white sand marine’ that I’ve said. Hehehe… The water is so clear and the sand is so fine! I really really love it!!!
We really enjoyed the moment and swim, swim and swim… Eeeehheeheeee… Suddenly, Shouts called our attention. That little inflating swimming pool went to the sea and little one’s (my sis, my nephews, my nieces) screamed for it… They wanted me to get it but it’s far from me that time…
Then Kuya Joel (my sister’s bf for 5yrs) tried to save it. And yes he did!!! Supposedly, he don’t have plan to swim for he brought no clothes to dry him up but he’s the only big guy who’s with us by then so he have no choice, on the other hand, I mean not to get that inflating pool to make him swim… Am I too bad? Haha… If he’ll gonna swim, then Manang Jo (his gf) gonna swim too… Yeah, I’m really that bitch… While manang N-jing and Aunt Aileen were left on the shore together with the 5 kids…
I called their attention and signaled them to come… Then they did and we all enjoyed swimming… I put Ela inside that pool. Now she has her own floating cottage, haha…
Then I can also swim so free!!! Wehehey! Manang Jo and Kuya Joel also enjoyed the moments while attending to Ila… We stayed there for long…
Suddenly, I noticed big fishes flying and so I told them, “It must be shark! Ohh, Ila, they’re coming!”… Of course I’m just kidding… Hehehe… We stayed there for an hour if not mistaken… The weather was so cool, the Sun is so shy to come out… Hmm… It’s really cool…
Kuya said, “ We better rush going back, the water went high…” then I said, “I don’t think so, I still enjoyed swimming.” But they insist, so I must agree…
Then I suggested to hire a boat to send us back to the shore but they think there’s no need… So, again I agreed… ‘nyways, we have that inflating pool…
We swum going back while pushing Ila’s floating pool… While on our way, we encountered a man saying, “You must not go that way, better hold and trace this rope… (He means the rope that connects the floating cottage to the shore.) The water goes deeper this time…” And so we did what he said…
Kuya Joel who’s the tallest among us all (5’11”)said that he hardly hit the ground that time, so I feel kinda scared, not for me, but for Ela because the upper layer of the pool is deflating and the pool got some folds…
I should say we reached the deepest and Kuya Joel can’t hit the ground anymore… Ela started to scream… It’s all my fault, I shouldn’t bring her with me… Thanks goodness, a fishing boat came over and someone tried to help. Obviously, that boat can’t carry us all, so we secured Ela… The fisherman threw a life jocket and so I grabbed it, while Manang Jo and Kuya Joel relied on that floating pool while pulling still the rope… Kuya said, “What an adventure it is…” and three of us laugh… God help us still…
We finally reached the shore and yes it became a big talk… LOL. Big talk that shifted worries to laughter, for it’s not only the water that trapped us, it’s also some braches from dead trees that was trapped on the rope plus…hmmm…there might be something in there that I don't know so I can’t tell… hehehe… Eew!!! Haha…
Vocabulary: Manang = Filipino (old Visayan) term for older sister (a sign of respect)
Kuya = Filipino term for older brother (a sign of respect)
Sai= me and my bestfriend's own version of 'say'- commonly
used in sorority
Then starts my story….
We call it white sand beach, but it still not fully developed. On the part near the shore were full of those sharp sea rocks..(ohh am I using the right term in here? What ever eheee) so you need to go further before reaching that tempting ‘white sand’ marine… It’s the first time that I saw that floating cottage in there, costs P1500 per day… But eight year-old Ela (my second degree niece) and I have no money for a boat or somethin’…
I put Ela on my back and went to the area near that cottage… ‘mind you, we really went that far… toinx
Sea water reaches my neck and then waited ‘til it goes back lower to my bust as a sign… Then it goes, and, by then, I take off my slippers and feel the ground…. Whehey!!! We finally reach that ‘temping white sand marine’ that I’ve said. Hehehe… The water is so clear and the sand is so fine! I really really love it!!!
We really enjoyed the moment and swim, swim and swim… Eeeehheeheeee… Suddenly, Shouts called our attention. That little inflating swimming pool went to the sea and little one’s (my sis, my nephews, my nieces) screamed for it… They wanted me to get it but it’s far from me that time…
Then Kuya Joel (my sister’s bf for 5yrs) tried to save it. And yes he did!!! Supposedly, he don’t have plan to swim for he brought no clothes to dry him up but he’s the only big guy who’s with us by then so he have no choice, on the other hand, I mean not to get that inflating pool to make him swim… Am I too bad? Haha… If he’ll gonna swim, then Manang Jo (his gf) gonna swim too… Yeah, I’m really that bitch… While manang N-jing and Aunt Aileen were left on the shore together with the 5 kids…
I called their attention and signaled them to come… Then they did and we all enjoyed swimming… I put Ela inside that pool. Now she has her own floating cottage, haha…
Then I can also swim so free!!! Wehehey! Manang Jo and Kuya Joel also enjoyed the moments while attending to Ila… We stayed there for long…
Suddenly, I noticed big fishes flying and so I told them, “It must be shark! Ohh, Ila, they’re coming!”… Of course I’m just kidding… Hehehe… We stayed there for an hour if not mistaken… The weather was so cool, the Sun is so shy to come out… Hmm… It’s really cool…
Kuya said, “ We better rush going back, the water went high…” then I said, “I don’t think so, I still enjoyed swimming.” But they insist, so I must agree…
Then I suggested to hire a boat to send us back to the shore but they think there’s no need… So, again I agreed… ‘nyways, we have that inflating pool…
We swum going back while pushing Ila’s floating pool… While on our way, we encountered a man saying, “You must not go that way, better hold and trace this rope… (He means the rope that connects the floating cottage to the shore.) The water goes deeper this time…” And so we did what he said…
Kuya Joel who’s the tallest among us all (5’11”)said that he hardly hit the ground that time, so I feel kinda scared, not for me, but for Ela because the upper layer of the pool is deflating and the pool got some folds…
I should say we reached the deepest and Kuya Joel can’t hit the ground anymore… Ela started to scream… It’s all my fault, I shouldn’t bring her with me… Thanks goodness, a fishing boat came over and someone tried to help. Obviously, that boat can’t carry us all, so we secured Ela… The fisherman threw a life jocket and so I grabbed it, while Manang Jo and Kuya Joel relied on that floating pool while pulling still the rope… Kuya said, “What an adventure it is…” and three of us laugh… God help us still…
We finally reached the shore and yes it became a big talk… LOL. Big talk that shifted worries to laughter, for it’s not only the water that trapped us, it’s also some braches from dead trees that was trapped on the rope plus…hmmm…there might be something in there that I don't know so I can’t tell… hehehe… Eew!!! Haha…
Vocabulary: Manang = Filipino (old Visayan) term for older sister (a sign of respect)
Kuya = Filipino term for older brother (a sign of respect)
Sai= me and my bestfriend's own version of 'say'- commonly
used in sorority
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