Do you believe in GOD???

Well, to tell you honestly, I had this On and Off belief in his existence since I was 6 y.o. But sai Loreen kept on reminding me about the things that He made for us...esp. the air that we breathe...

But, sad to say that my diminishing faith on Him finally collapsed Aug. 29 last year...brought out the worst in me.

What should I say? Unending pain followed. In addition to that there were still crazy people who keep on bugging me plus my mama suffered from stroke this year (paralyzed) and so instead of flying away or killing my self, I preferred to stay.

Since February, a group of Christians had there prayer meeting at home every Saturday. They said that it will help for mama’s recovery. I really don’t wanna hear something about Him and so I do the laundry as an excuse for 2 hours. Mama and my diabetic papa do the prayer meeting with them.
Lately, a pastor came. It’s really against my will to face him but as part of Filipino culture I have no other choice but to face him also knowing fact that he is our relative and should I say visits only 1s in a blue moon.

He asked me to bring out a pen and a notebook and here’s what I got…
Romans 19:13-As it is written, “Jacob I have loved, but Esau I have hated.
15-For he says to Moses, “I will have mercy on whom ever I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whomever I will have compassion.
16-So then it is not of him who wills, nor of him who runs, but of God who shows mercy.
So I should say that lie is the saying that all of us are saved and that all of us are loved for it’s only God’s will that will supreme. He’s the almighty creature. He owned everything and none of us has the right neither to get mad nor to complain, for everything in us was just borrowed.

Now, I never doubt about His existence. Everything is clear, no matter how much I tried, if He really won’t love me –He won’t. I was seemed like a toy for Him, a payer for my ancestor’s debt. And maybe my ex was right, my papa owed a lot and now I am the payment. As it is stated in the bible the saying like the son/ daughter will gonna pay the debt of his/her father (I forgot the verse). I was born not to be loved. I was born to be one of Esau…