‘til where, ‘til when
And how to handle this flaming pain
I dig inside, it’s too much dry
Drought, but tears are still alive.
Soul keeps on searchin’, keeps on wanderin’
On a dreadful cave, sobbing like a slave
You left the feelings that once survive
Mis......? Or, you just hide…
Now you say it’s no longer me
Thorns of memories changed me completely
No time to blame, don’t be ashamed
You draw the sword, then play the game!
On the crystal crib in where I lie
‘cant hear my yell concealed by lyre
With the music of duel I danced lovingly
But luckily I awoke from duplicity.
How I wish to be cured before the dusk
I’m tired to dream w/ tears at task
I’m drowned and locked by fantasy
“I’m not yet ready...” the key answered me.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Do you believe in GOD???
Well, to tell you honestly, I had this On and Off belief in his existence since I was 6 y.o. But sai Loreen kept on reminding me about the things that He made for us...esp. the air that we breathe...
But, sad to say that my diminishing faith on Him finally collapsed Aug. 29 last year...brought out the worst in me.
What should I say? Unending pain followed. In addition to that there were still crazy people who keep on bugging me plus my mama suffered from stroke this year (paralyzed) and so instead of flying away or killing my self, I preferred to stay.
Since February, a group of Christians had there prayer meeting at home every Saturday. They said that it will help for mama’s recovery. I really don’t wanna hear something about Him and so I do the laundry as an excuse for 2 hours. Mama and my diabetic papa do the prayer meeting with them.
Lately, a pastor came. It’s really against my will to face him but as part of Filipino culture I have no other choice but to face him also knowing fact that he is our relative and should I say visits only 1s in a blue moon.
He asked me to bring out a pen and a notebook and here’s what I got…
Romans 19:13-As it is written, “Jacob I have loved, but Esau I have hated.
15-For he says to Moses, “I will have mercy on whom ever I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whomever I will have compassion.
16-So then it is not of him who wills, nor of him who runs, but of God who shows mercy.
So I should say that lie is the saying that all of us are saved and that all of us are loved for it’s only God’s will that will supreme. He’s the almighty creature. He owned everything and none of us has the right neither to get mad nor to complain, for everything in us was just borrowed.
Now, I never doubt about His existence. Everything is clear, no matter how much I tried, if He really won’t love me –He won’t. I was seemed like a toy for Him, a payer for my ancestor’s debt. And maybe my ex was right, my papa owed a lot and now I am the payment. As it is stated in the bible the saying like the son/ daughter will gonna pay the debt of his/her father (I forgot the verse). I was born not to be loved. I was born to be one of Esau…
But, sad to say that my diminishing faith on Him finally collapsed Aug. 29 last year...brought out the worst in me.
What should I say? Unending pain followed. In addition to that there were still crazy people who keep on bugging me plus my mama suffered from stroke this year (paralyzed) and so instead of flying away or killing my self, I preferred to stay.
Since February, a group of Christians had there prayer meeting at home every Saturday. They said that it will help for mama’s recovery. I really don’t wanna hear something about Him and so I do the laundry as an excuse for 2 hours. Mama and my diabetic papa do the prayer meeting with them.
Lately, a pastor came. It’s really against my will to face him but as part of Filipino culture I have no other choice but to face him also knowing fact that he is our relative and should I say visits only 1s in a blue moon.
He asked me to bring out a pen and a notebook and here’s what I got…
Romans 19:13-As it is written, “Jacob I have loved, but Esau I have hated.
15-For he says to Moses, “I will have mercy on whom ever I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whomever I will have compassion.
16-So then it is not of him who wills, nor of him who runs, but of God who shows mercy.
So I should say that lie is the saying that all of us are saved and that all of us are loved for it’s only God’s will that will supreme. He’s the almighty creature. He owned everything and none of us has the right neither to get mad nor to complain, for everything in us was just borrowed.
Now, I never doubt about His existence. Everything is clear, no matter how much I tried, if He really won’t love me –He won’t. I was seemed like a toy for Him, a payer for my ancestor’s debt. And maybe my ex was right, my papa owed a lot and now I am the payment. As it is stated in the bible the saying like the son/ daughter will gonna pay the debt of his/her father (I forgot the verse). I was born not to be loved. I was born to be one of Esau…
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Hmmm...white sand marine or what? mmm.... Yes?!
Yesterday, upon my arrival from Ulas, Davao City (my sai’s place) Manang Jo suggested to go to the beach for a favorable weather to unwind….
Then starts my story….
We call it white sand beach, but it still not fully developed. On the part near the shore were full of those sharp sea rocks..(ohh am I using the right term in here? What ever eheee) so you need to go further before reaching that tempting ‘white sand’ marine… It’s the first time that I saw that floating cottage in there, costs P1500 per day… But eight year-old Ela (my second degree niece) and I have no money for a boat or somethin’…
I put Ela on my back and went to the area near that cottage… ‘mind you, we really went that far… toinx
Sea water reaches my neck and then waited ‘til it goes back lower to my bust as a sign… Then it goes, and, by then, I take off my slippers and feel the ground…. Whehey!!! We finally reach that ‘temping white sand marine’ that I’ve said. Hehehe… The water is so clear and the sand is so fine! I really really love it!!!
We really enjoyed the moment and swim, swim and swim… Eeeehheeheeee… Suddenly, Shouts called our attention. That little inflating swimming pool went to the sea and little one’s (my sis, my nephews, my nieces) screamed for it… They wanted me to get it but it’s far from me that time…
Then Kuya Joel (my sister’s bf for 5yrs) tried to save it. And yes he did!!! Supposedly, he don’t have plan to swim for he brought no clothes to dry him up but he’s the only big guy who’s with us by then so he have no choice, on the other hand, I mean not to get that inflating pool to make him swim… Am I too bad? Haha… If he’ll gonna swim, then Manang Jo (his gf) gonna swim too… Yeah, I’m really that bitch… While manang N-jing and Aunt Aileen were left on the shore together with the 5 kids…
I called their attention and signaled them to come… Then they did and we all enjoyed swimming… I put Ela inside that pool. Now she has her own floating cottage, haha…
Then I can also swim so free!!! Wehehey! Manang Jo and Kuya Joel also enjoyed the moments while attending to Ila… We stayed there for long…
Suddenly, I noticed big fishes flying and so I told them, “It must be shark! Ohh, Ila, they’re coming!”… Of course I’m just kidding… Hehehe… We stayed there for an hour if not mistaken… The weather was so cool, the Sun is so shy to come out… Hmm… It’s really cool…
Kuya said, “ We better rush going back, the water went high…” then I said, “I don’t think so, I still enjoyed swimming.” But they insist, so I must agree…
Then I suggested to hire a boat to send us back to the shore but they think there’s no need… So, again I agreed… ‘nyways, we have that inflating pool…
We swum going back while pushing Ila’s floating pool… While on our way, we encountered a man saying, “You must not go that way, better hold and trace this rope… (He means the rope that connects the floating cottage to the shore.) The water goes deeper this time…” And so we did what he said…
Kuya Joel who’s the tallest among us all (5’11”)said that he hardly hit the ground that time, so I feel kinda scared, not for me, but for Ela because the upper layer of the pool is deflating and the pool got some folds…
I should say we reached the deepest and Kuya Joel can’t hit the ground anymore… Ela started to scream… It’s all my fault, I shouldn’t bring her with me… Thanks goodness, a fishing boat came over and someone tried to help. Obviously, that boat can’t carry us all, so we secured Ela… The fisherman threw a life jocket and so I grabbed it, while Manang Jo and Kuya Joel relied on that floating pool while pulling still the rope… Kuya said, “What an adventure it is…” and three of us laugh… God help us still…
We finally reached the shore and yes it became a big talk… LOL. Big talk that shifted worries to laughter, for it’s not only the water that trapped us, it’s also some braches from dead trees that was trapped on the rope plus…hmmm…there might be something in there that I don't know so I can’t tell… hehehe… Eew!!! Haha…
Vocabulary: Manang = Filipino (old Visayan) term for older sister (a sign of respect)
Kuya = Filipino term for older brother (a sign of respect)
Sai= me and my bestfriend's own version of 'say'- commonly
used in sorority
Then starts my story….
We call it white sand beach, but it still not fully developed. On the part near the shore were full of those sharp sea rocks..(ohh am I using the right term in here? What ever eheee) so you need to go further before reaching that tempting ‘white sand’ marine… It’s the first time that I saw that floating cottage in there, costs P1500 per day… But eight year-old Ela (my second degree niece) and I have no money for a boat or somethin’…
I put Ela on my back and went to the area near that cottage… ‘mind you, we really went that far… toinx
Sea water reaches my neck and then waited ‘til it goes back lower to my bust as a sign… Then it goes, and, by then, I take off my slippers and feel the ground…. Whehey!!! We finally reach that ‘temping white sand marine’ that I’ve said. Hehehe… The water is so clear and the sand is so fine! I really really love it!!!
We really enjoyed the moment and swim, swim and swim… Eeeehheeheeee… Suddenly, Shouts called our attention. That little inflating swimming pool went to the sea and little one’s (my sis, my nephews, my nieces) screamed for it… They wanted me to get it but it’s far from me that time…
Then Kuya Joel (my sister’s bf for 5yrs) tried to save it. And yes he did!!! Supposedly, he don’t have plan to swim for he brought no clothes to dry him up but he’s the only big guy who’s with us by then so he have no choice, on the other hand, I mean not to get that inflating pool to make him swim… Am I too bad? Haha… If he’ll gonna swim, then Manang Jo (his gf) gonna swim too… Yeah, I’m really that bitch… While manang N-jing and Aunt Aileen were left on the shore together with the 5 kids…
I called their attention and signaled them to come… Then they did and we all enjoyed swimming… I put Ela inside that pool. Now she has her own floating cottage, haha…
Then I can also swim so free!!! Wehehey! Manang Jo and Kuya Joel also enjoyed the moments while attending to Ila… We stayed there for long…
Suddenly, I noticed big fishes flying and so I told them, “It must be shark! Ohh, Ila, they’re coming!”… Of course I’m just kidding… Hehehe… We stayed there for an hour if not mistaken… The weather was so cool, the Sun is so shy to come out… Hmm… It’s really cool…
Kuya said, “ We better rush going back, the water went high…” then I said, “I don’t think so, I still enjoyed swimming.” But they insist, so I must agree…
Then I suggested to hire a boat to send us back to the shore but they think there’s no need… So, again I agreed… ‘nyways, we have that inflating pool…
We swum going back while pushing Ila’s floating pool… While on our way, we encountered a man saying, “You must not go that way, better hold and trace this rope… (He means the rope that connects the floating cottage to the shore.) The water goes deeper this time…” And so we did what he said…
Kuya Joel who’s the tallest among us all (5’11”)said that he hardly hit the ground that time, so I feel kinda scared, not for me, but for Ela because the upper layer of the pool is deflating and the pool got some folds…
I should say we reached the deepest and Kuya Joel can’t hit the ground anymore… Ela started to scream… It’s all my fault, I shouldn’t bring her with me… Thanks goodness, a fishing boat came over and someone tried to help. Obviously, that boat can’t carry us all, so we secured Ela… The fisherman threw a life jocket and so I grabbed it, while Manang Jo and Kuya Joel relied on that floating pool while pulling still the rope… Kuya said, “What an adventure it is…” and three of us laugh… God help us still…
We finally reached the shore and yes it became a big talk… LOL. Big talk that shifted worries to laughter, for it’s not only the water that trapped us, it’s also some braches from dead trees that was trapped on the rope plus…hmmm…there might be something in there that I don't know so I can’t tell… hehehe… Eew!!! Haha…
Vocabulary: Manang = Filipino (old Visayan) term for older sister (a sign of respect)
Kuya = Filipino term for older brother (a sign of respect)
Sai= me and my bestfriend's own version of 'say'- commonly
used in sorority
Thursday, December 27, 2007
LOVE takes time...??? Ahhh... What should I say... LOL
Mariah Carey - Love Takes Time - Music Video via Noolmusic.com
Eshghe mani atish be jooonam mizani..still...
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Adapted blah blah...
Hi!!! Hmmm... How I wish to tell you 'bout a coincidence that happened yesterday but I think that won't help you that much so I prefer to post this one... =)
12 Stress Management Techniques
*Spirituality is a state or quality of being spiritual. It is pure, holy, relating top matters of sacred nature, not worldly, ecclesiastical, possessing the nature or qualities of a spirit.
The spiritual level holds the entire human person together. Spirituality carries with it the meaning of man’s relationship with a world beyond what is felt by the senses – a world beyond himself, others and the environment-but which somehow gives meaning, purpose and coherence to one’s own existence. It also points to a relationship with a supernatural being which may or may not be articulated by the individual. Is it the spiritual level that gives something to live for.
Meditation is a way of reaching the world beyond the senses. It is a very effective method of relaxing thing for a sustained period of time. It gives the body time to relax and recuperate and clear away toxins that may have built up through stress and mental or physical activity. Meditation can have the following effects:
-lower blood pressure
-slows breathing
-helps muscles relax
-gives the body time to eliminate lactic acid and other waste products
-eliminates stressful thoughts
-helps with focus and concentration
-reduces stress headaches
*Self Awareness means knowing one’s self, getting in touch w/ one’s feelings, or being open to experiences. It increases sensitivity to the inner self and relationship w/ the world around.
*Scheduling. Managing time really refers to managing one’s self in such a way as to optimize the time available in order to achieve gratifying results.
*Siesta means taking nap, short rest, a break or recharging of “battery” in order to improve productivity. It helps relax the mind and body muscles.
*Stretching
*Sensation Techniques. The sense of touch is a powerful and highly sensitive form of communication. It is a natural reaction to reach out and touch whether to feel the shape or texture of something or to respond to another person, perhaps by comforting them. Massage helps to sooth away stress, unknotting tensed and aching muscles, relieving headaches and helping sleep problems. Massage is also invigorating; it improves the functioning of many of the body’s system, promotes healing and tones muscles, leaving w/ a feeling of renewed energy.
*Sports
*Socialization (esp.: in a dance, man enjoys his body’s love & expresses gesture & releases tension through rhythmic movement.)
*Sounds and Songs. Music adds to the quality of life of a person. It provides a medium of expression for thoughts and emotions.
*Speak to me. Communication is at a goal, so it must remain open until the goal is reached. Talking to someone when feeling overwhelmed or unable to deal w/ stress or feeling “helpless” is often the best way of coping w/ stress.
*Stress Debriefing (esp.: giving advice to others)
And, SMILE!!!
REFERENCE: PUBLIC HEALTH NURSING in the Philippines (10th Edition)
pages 222-224
“Smile though the heart is aching…”-adapted
=’) Lalala...lalala…
12 Stress Management Techniques
*Spirituality is a state or quality of being spiritual. It is pure, holy, relating top matters of sacred nature, not worldly, ecclesiastical, possessing the nature or qualities of a spirit.
The spiritual level holds the entire human person together. Spirituality carries with it the meaning of man’s relationship with a world beyond what is felt by the senses – a world beyond himself, others and the environment-but which somehow gives meaning, purpose and coherence to one’s own existence. It also points to a relationship with a supernatural being which may or may not be articulated by the individual. Is it the spiritual level that gives something to live for.
Meditation is a way of reaching the world beyond the senses. It is a very effective method of relaxing thing for a sustained period of time. It gives the body time to relax and recuperate and clear away toxins that may have built up through stress and mental or physical activity. Meditation can have the following effects:
-lower blood pressure
-slows breathing
-helps muscles relax
-gives the body time to eliminate lactic acid and other waste products
-eliminates stressful thoughts
-helps with focus and concentration
-reduces stress headaches
*Self Awareness means knowing one’s self, getting in touch w/ one’s feelings, or being open to experiences. It increases sensitivity to the inner self and relationship w/ the world around.
*Scheduling. Managing time really refers to managing one’s self in such a way as to optimize the time available in order to achieve gratifying results.
*Siesta means taking nap, short rest, a break or recharging of “battery” in order to improve productivity. It helps relax the mind and body muscles.
*Stretching
*Sensation Techniques. The sense of touch is a powerful and highly sensitive form of communication. It is a natural reaction to reach out and touch whether to feel the shape or texture of something or to respond to another person, perhaps by comforting them. Massage helps to sooth away stress, unknotting tensed and aching muscles, relieving headaches and helping sleep problems. Massage is also invigorating; it improves the functioning of many of the body’s system, promotes healing and tones muscles, leaving w/ a feeling of renewed energy.
*Sports
*Socialization (esp.: in a dance, man enjoys his body’s love & expresses gesture & releases tension through rhythmic movement.)
*Sounds and Songs. Music adds to the quality of life of a person. It provides a medium of expression for thoughts and emotions.
*Speak to me. Communication is at a goal, so it must remain open until the goal is reached. Talking to someone when feeling overwhelmed or unable to deal w/ stress or feeling “helpless” is often the best way of coping w/ stress.
*Stress Debriefing (esp.: giving advice to others)
And, SMILE!!!
REFERENCE: PUBLIC HEALTH NURSING in the Philippines (10th Edition)
pages 222-224
“Smile though the heart is aching…”-adapted
=’) Lalala...lalala…
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